Kau Ka Maka

Aloha mai e nā maka heluhelu, nā ʻohana, a me nā hoa i piha i ke aloha iā Hōlanikū. E ʻokoʻa ana ke kumuhana o kēia puke hoʻomanaʻo me nā mea o nā pule i hala. ʻO ka maʻamau, kākau au e pili ana i ka hana o kēlā me kēia pule akā, mai kēia pule aku, e kākau ana au e pili ana i nā ʻano kumuhana like ʻole. ʻO kekahi, ʻo ia ka haʻawina o ka naʻau, nā mea ʻai a mākou e ʻai ai, nā mea aʻu e haʻo ai,  nā mea e ʻike ʻia, a pēlā aku. Makemake au e ʻike ʻoukou i ka ʻoiaiʻo o ka nohona i ʻaneʻi. ʻO ka mea aʻu e kākau ana i kēia pule, ʻo ia koʻu haʻo ʻana i nā mea aloha. I loko nō o nā haliʻa aloha, he ʻāʻumeʻume ke kau ʻana o kekahi mau mea o ka wā i hala i koʻu waihona noʻonoʻo. Paʻa koʻu noʻonoʻo i kēia mau lā. Ua hoʻāʻo au e hoʻokuʻu i ka luʻuluʻu i mea e hiki ai iaʻu ke holomua. I loko nō o koʻu uluhua, ʻike au he kumu ko kēia luhi.

Howzit everybody. I know my blogs have been posted later than usual. My mind has been stuck and I couldn’t find the words to describe what went on this past week (which, by the time I finally finish this, it’ll already be during our 11th week). Honestly, I’ve continuously made changes to this blog because my head’s been so unclear lately. So, I’m gonna change things up a bit.

So far, I’ve been writing about the work that’s been done each week, but this time I’m going to let you in and give you a glimpse of what one really experiences while being here on Hōlanikū. For me, these past two weeks have been filled with questions and realization. While in a place of solitude, I’ve been in a balance of going crazy over the things that are in my head while also finding myself in peace and tranquility.

We’re more than two months in and it’s about that time that I go through some kind of phase. I’ve come to the phase where I begin to miss those who play a huge role in my life-from my ʻohana, a few close friends, and even who my heart desires.

As time goes by, my heart grows fonder and I become more appreciative of who and what is important to me. There are so many things here that remind me of people and things I hold dear to me-whether it’s a re-occurring thing or something that happens within a single moment. At this point in my journey, as they appear in my mind, I realize the specific role that each special person has in my life. I went from being constantly surrounded by my ʻohana and hoaaloha to being in complete isolation. Although in the beginning my family and friends thought I was pupule for going so far away (from the world), I continue to receive their kākoʻo (support) and aloha (love) as they understand the reason why I do the things I do – even if it means not being able to hear from me for some time.

Despite the distance, the simple things they do make all the difference. For example, my dear friend, Jon, goes out of his way to send lyrics and ʻukulele chords since I don’t have a book out here. Just a simple thing like that creates an uplift of my spirits. Although it may appear that he’s helping me just so I can jam, he’s really helping to free myself from all troubles, untangle the confusion, and to see things with clarity once again. Through music, I feel no pain. So, shout out to Bossman Brito for being the best-est eva as always! Small things like that make me miss, appreciate, and love those special people in my life even more. Mahalo a nui no ke kākoʻo a me ke aloha ʻana mai iaʻu. Iā ʻoukou pākahi kuʻu aloha pau ʻole.

And now it is time for the reason why my train of thought has gone off the tracks these past two weeks. Although I’ve been thinking of loved ones, my mind also goes adrift at times and I find myself wading in the open sea of dreams. Thoughts of those from the past reoccur like waves, pulling me under and leaving me restless as I try to make my way back up to the surface, back to reality. I am in between recalling fond memories while also fighting to forget others. It’s a push and pull kind of thing. While pushing forward, something that is unknown pulls me backward. This is when confusion comes to play. I’m tangled in my thoughts, questioning why I’m feeling this way. What is the interpretation for these thoughts and dreams? Why did this certain person or thing come to my mind? I had a lot of questions, and after two weeks of my heart and mind fighting each other, I’ve come to a realization and finally accepted what Ivo been denying – my feelings, my truth. A lot has to deal with pride, not wanting to come forth and say yeah, I miss that person too despite the current circumstances. When I kept re-writing this blog, I referred to these people as the ghosts of my past. But these ghosts were once people-people who played a role in my life at some point whether it was love or friendship. After struggling to find an answer, I now know the source of my current problem is because my mind and gut aren’t in sync. Sometimes my mind overpowers my gut and that’s how I can easily become unsure of things. I just have to remember to follow my naʻau. Just trust the gut!

If I could choose a word that describes my experience here, it would be time. Time to learn. Time to realize. Time to change. Time to grow. Isolation on Hōlanikū has created a world in which I have all the time to do so. As time moves on, so, too, does life. I mean, after all, it’s a new day, a new season.

Well gang, here’s to a new kind of blog, a new kind of message. Without the ability to find words to describe the workweek, I decided to take you all below the surface and into the deeper truth about what one experiences while living on Hōlanikū. I’ve recently found myself in a phase, having recollection of fond memories while also battling in between denial and acceptance. Within this certain period, I have learned, realized, changed, and grown-it’s all about time.

With that being said, here’s the ʻōlelo noʻeau that I think best fits this week. Eia ka ʻōlelo noʻeau o kēia pule: “ʻUpu mai nei ke aloha” (A sudden yearning to see a loved one) – Ka Puke ʻŌlelo Noʻeau a Pākuʻi #2883. It is quite true that distance makes a heart grow fonder. Time and isolation has made me come to love and appreciate those special ones in my life. I’ve also found my mind taking a trip down memory lane because of my naʻau. These people have come to my mind for a reason. Although part of this phase has been a struggle, it’s just a part of the process for me to ulu aʻe. ʻAʻohe ʻeha, ʻaʻohe ulu. Love. Friendship. Past. Present. Love comes in all forms, times, and places. Whatever situations I find myself in, I continue to grow through love.

Mahalo a nui no ka heluhelu ʻana. A hui hou a i kēia pule aʻe. K dennnnn

Naʻu,
Aulani

%d bloggers like this: