Hoʻi Hou I Ka Iwi Kuamoʻo (Returning to the Backbone)

words by ʻAulani

Aloha mai e nā maka heluhelu, nā ʻohana, a me nā hoa i piha i ke aloha iā Hōlanikū. Ke noi nei kēia mea kākau i ko ʻoukou hoʻomanawanui a me ka huikala mai i koʻu hoʻouna aku i kaʻu mau puke hoʻomanaʻo me ka lohi. Ua nui nā mea e kau ana i koʻu waihona noʻonoʻo i kēia pule, a ʻaʻole i mōakaaka koʻu mau manaʻo iaʻu e kikokiko ana i kēia wahi puke hoʻomanaʻo. ʻIke au, ke hoʻouka ʻia kēia puke hoʻomanaʻo i ka pūnaewele, e hoʻouka ʻia ʻana kekahi puke hoʻomanaʻo hou i ia manawa hoʻokahi. Eia naʻe, makemake au e mahalo iā ʻoukou no ka maopopo a me ke kākoʻo mau ʻana mai iaʻu.

Okay gangeh this week’s blog is going to be a bit different. Forgive me for being slow on sending these blogs. By the time I send this one, I will probably have the twenty-first blog all set and ready to go. Yup, I said it – twenty blogs, down! Here on Hōlanikū, we may forget what day of the week it is, but these blogs are one of the things that reminds us how quickly time is flying. Knowing that we are getting closer to the end, the countdown begins!

I usually talk about da haps with work and stuff, but honestly, I am disappointed that I have not shared my experience in quite the way that I wanted to. For one-writing in English is an extra step I gotta take – even more so with “proper English.” If I were to write in ʻōlelo Hawaiʻi or even pidgin, most of you would not understand. The way I see it, a blog should read as if you could hear the writer saying the things they have written. Believe me, if I were to write the way that I speak, there would be a lot of “brahʻs.” The word “brah”-while used in many ways- can sum up majority of the feelings that I am trying to express. If you know, you know! Besides that, another thing I am disappointed in is that I focused more on writing ʻwe did thisʻ or ʻwe did thatʻ rather than sharing what I am really experiencing – emotions, thoughts, observations, etc. I know people are interested in the work that we are doing out here, but I honestly think those blogs that I invested my time into should have just been a Facebook status – which is not what I intended my blogs to become. Through learning only about our work accomplishments or various events that have occurred, you guys have only skimmed the surface, unable to explore the great depths of the trials and tribulations that one may experience out here. Forgive me, but these blogs do not really mean much to me if I cannot share what I am truly experiencing. Besides, it should be no surprise that we are getting choke work done since we are all hammahs. Foʻ shoa! So here we go. Time to let you all in with da scoops of what is really going on here.

Having an idea of our departure date has stirred a lot of mixed feelings and emotions. I got a weird sensation in my gut as soon as Eryn read the email about the tentative schedule. At that moment, majority of the things said were “It’s too soon!” “I’m not ready” or just a big, fat “NOOOO!” As you have come to learn through my previous blogs, it is no shock that I am heartbroken about leaving such a place as beautiful as Hōlanikū, which has now become home. I knew the time would come, but I did not expect it to arrive as quickly as it did. If there is no change in the schedule, it means we only have 5 weeks left here. Five weeks to fulfill everything on our work schedule, prepare the island for the Summer crew, and most of all, prepare ourselves for what will be an emotional departure. FIVE WEEKS! Five weeks to soak in as much as we can. As we treat the island one last time, we are making it count. One last time to enjoy it, reminisce our previous treatments, and most of all, leave our last impression before the Summer crew arrives. After it all, one can see how much a solid crew of 5 can do. Yeeeeeee 😉

Although it is sad to be leaving, I am excited to see my ʻohana. I am pretty sure they are just as excited as I am, too. Living in Hilo, a different island from my ʻohana, is nothing compared to being completely isolated like I am out here. The separation helped me grow stronger, mentally, and emotionally. Like I have mentioned before, my love and appreciation for my ʻohana has grown much, much deeper. Iā ʻoukou kuʻu aloha pau ʻole! With mixed emotions about returning home, I also found it interesting that a few people, who had not really come to mind until now, appeared in my dreams all week. It felt like each night there was a new person in my dream. What was even more interesting was that although my relationships with those people were not as perfect before, it was surprisingly good in my dreams. In contrast to how I felt in December, I viewed this event with an unfamiliar perspective. Rather than fighting my thoughts and memories, I just thought to myself, “Huh, that’s interesting.” There must be a reason why these specific people came to mind. With all this anticipation stirring up mixed emotions, I am not only anxious to be returning to my ʻohana, but all the people and memories that I have left behind as well. It is neither good or bad. I just think these dreams are a reminder that there are other people, places, things, and memories that will be expecting my arrival, too. Like I said, it is not good or bad. There is just some verrrrrry interesting stuff going on during this specific time.

Well gangeh, that was just a little insight of what I am really experiencing out here on Hōlanikū. I did not get into details, ʻcause this stuff takes time and my brain is too fried. But you got da idea, ah? Not only are we investing our time and energy while working on the ʻāina, but we are working on ourselves, too. While living out here, we go through some interesting phases or have crazy epiphanies. Overall, we are just out here learning many things about ourselves and our surroundings. Let us just say, mean kine stuff happen while we are out here, truuuuuust!

Unlike my previous blogs, I have not one, but two ʻōlelo noʻeau for the week. I do not think I need to wehewehe [explain] anything ʻcause it is self-explanatory:

“He ʻelele ka moe na ke kanaka” (A dream is a bearer of messages to man) -Ka Puke ʻŌlelo Noʻeau a Pākuʻi #558

“Welo ke aloha i ka ʻōnohi” (Love flutters to and fro before the eyes). Said of a longing to see a loved one whose image is constantly in mind -Ka Puke ʻŌlelo Noʻeau a Pākuʻi #2936

Mahalo a nui no ke heluhelu ʻana. A hui hou a i kēia pule aʻe. Shoots den menpachissss



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